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The Trail

Motherhood is one of the most difficult roles I've had. It's the one thing I've done that requires that I am completely honest, patient and that I give every ounce of myself to (this is true for my writing too—when I'm doing it well). In the past I've been able to hide from my emotions or lie to people about how I've felt but being a mother, in my experience, has been a lesson in vulnerability.

Being in a committed relationship is almost as difficult. And it requires much more of me that I am sometimes willing to admit...
Us, earlier this summer on our first ride of the season.

But a few weeks ago, Ty, Kade and I went on a bike ride and my thoughts wandered into a peacefulness that I captured in a poem. It sums up how I felt and how I feel about life during these moments—even in the commanding, difficult, sorrowful, happy, beautiful, blissful ones.


The Trail

Arms flailing

Feet wide

Pigeon-toed

Breath angled at the sun


Headphones sweaty

Tongue limber

Stride focused

Hello’s gestured


Meanwhile I’m watching you from behind

You pulling our son in his cart

Him looking back to make sure I’m still trailing

He’s already got your protective nature

At two already making sure mommy’s ok

The trail is full

Faces smile

Mourn

Scowl

There for their own release;

To get the children out the house

To lose the fat nobody sees

To walk the dog

We are a family

Moving at a pace that feels slow yet fast

Tired and cheerful and unsure

I wonder how to keep these moments

Even the ones that are contentious

Wondering if life is for living or remembering


Maybe a little of both

So that one day when the wonder is gone

And the friendship is teetering

I rewind and find this version of you

Of us


The three of us on a path

The spokes of our bikes humming

People walking

The air supple

A day etched into our history.


If you made it this far...catch me at Artscape in Baltimore this coming weekend; August 22-24 at the Literature and Print Fair. I'll be selling my books, a few photographs by yours truly and some Black Joy Is My Protest merch.


until next blog...


writerjns


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